Anxiety, Agony and Acknowledgments

Black and white are not the only colors in this world, there is also gray and further more different shades of gray. This makes it harder to evaluate an absolute and fitting answer to every question and a response to every situation. Many answers depend on the circumstances there are to be found in and many responses depend on the time and motivation that stand behind them.

In this case I do not know much about capital punishment, the means that are used and the circumstances that bring people to the gurney, the only thing I have to go on is parts of the movie we watched yesterday (Into the Abyss) and the opinions that were presented there. Being not very well informed can hinder a person and the opinion they form, but I will do the best I can with what I have been given. This is why I have to agree with the reverend that was featured in the beginning of the movie and admit, “I don’t know”.

In this position, where I see the pain, sickness, misery and people that do not know what their purpose in life is, I kind of feel like Joseph, from the story about the rainbow-colored coat. Joseph had to encounter many challenges, such as being sold in to slavery by his brothers, serving the Potiphar and sitting in prison, so the only thing that was left for him was to trust God. In the end he was rewarded and fulfilled a great purpose the Lord had in mind for Joseph,  that he himself could not have imagined. So when I am in the position where I cannot fathom the reason for the things that are happening around me, I place my faith in God and hand over my anxiety, agony and acknowledge that I can do all things only in Him.

The truth is that some things our mind cannot understand and does not have the capacity to comprehend, for example God allowing children to suffer and die of things such as cancer or ALS. I have had my share of questions about the evil and pain that are in the world and I have asked God, “Why?”, but I will not receive an answer to every question and will not have a complete understanding of every issue in today’s world. I do not know why God allows capital punishment, the New Testament does not teach anything on the specific issue of capital punishment in modern day life, but it does teach that God loves the world; he is involved in the lives of people and cares for them deeply, he wants a relationship with each one of us through his son Jesus Christ in order to offer us forgiveness and love, so this is what I hold on to, because this is what I know for certain. 

Hoping, Needing, Growing

The offer to ponder how I would like to grow this year brought me to the following realization: the opportunity of growth that is presented to me in HCA and in British(ish) Literature, as well as all my other classes, is of infinite value and in itself a great blessing. So since I am blessed with this opportunity I must try my best to make most of it and so to do so I, in the end put together a list of what directions of growth are very important to me this year.

First of all, I would like to obtain an understanding of the great thinkers of the past that I will come across this year (Jane Austin, Charlotte Bronte, Dostoyevsky, etc.), as well as their challenges. However I also hope to receive encouragement and advice from the authors who are, hands down, more experienced than I. I hope to grow in this way, because it will give me a chance to learn from the mistakes of others and not make them all myself or, in other cases, give me a model to follow, so that I don’t have to figure out this tangled web of life around me while relying on my own abilities and experiences. Secondly, I hope that this class and all the participants will refine beliefs that I already hold, and help me become certain in what I believe. This is important for me this year, because I am imperfect and not all knowing, however this will help me get a little closer to the unreachable ideal. Thirdly, I wish to grow in my appreciation for the time I live in and the progress our society has made, since the middle ages or even just a hundred years ago. This is vital to me in everyday life and all my relationships, because very often I take my “now” for granted, but instead I would like to be grateful for the blessings I receive. I also pray that this course will make me more sensitive to those that have not been as blessed as I have been in their upbringing. This is and will be crucial in the future, because this habit will help me be compassionate, which will give me another tool to share Christ's love and forgiveness. Through the great literature and abundant discussions we will be having in Brit Lit I hope to learn to see more clearly God's hand in my life and become more thankful that he is a loving and involved God, which will help me strengthen my relationship with my Creator and trust in him at all times in my life. And last, but certainly not least, I wish to learn more about great authors and beautiful novels that teach and entertain, because I think it is fun and I greatly enjoy reading.

          But just as any plant needs water, soil and light to grow I need the right conditions in order to develop and flourish. I need to be told the truth and corrected when I am wrong, but also I need to be given time and space to process the truths and opinions that will be presented by my classmates, Mr.O and the authors that we will be reading. I need to be directed and refined by others that will be attending and contributing in our class, as Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” I need to be given time and space to express myself and my opinions (what a wonderful thing that we have blogsJ). Another important thing that will be necessary to stimulate my growth is a smart, funny and caring teacher like Mr.O or even better Mr.O himself!