Black Dahlia

The night was too serene. The sounds of the highway were almost inaudible. The stars were out and the silk breeze shattered against two dark figures as they swiftly, but urgently, as if trying to put the events of the night behind them, hurried to the car. The doors opened and shut silently, as if the men did not wish that anyone would know of their presence, or maybe it was just to preserve the stillness of the beautiful and satin night. As the car growled and came to life the spell of mystery was broken.

Once they were on the highway the older man cast his first curt  glance at the younger man, sitting in the passenger’s seat right next to him. Feeling the gaze upon him the young man pressed his lips together, as if stopping all the things he had in his mind from flowing out and instead looked on to the dark and desolated road. It looked like it went nowhere. Both men were tense in the strained silence, although both had different reasons that would not let them verbalize their thoughts and fears. The older did not want to flood the younger with the things he had to say, not words of understanding, but rather of reprimand. He understood that he must say them, because he discerned something in his passenger’s face that cried for words of guidance, help, but even more so, encouragement, that would give him faith in himself and more importantly in the Redeemer. The older man searched his brain for things he learned at the seminary that could bring hope and change in the heart of the unsuccessful lawbreaker that was sitting next to him.

"I am sorry I had to call you tonight, but if I called my parents they would flip out and probably leave me in there. I would rather have you bail me out and then preach at me and try to save my lost soul than face them tonight,” said the passenger, his voice firm and defiant.

The driver, without moving a single muscle, without acknowledging that he heard the young man’s controversial apology, looked ahead. He scrutinized the road. The curves and turns directed him on his way home, promising a safe and restful destination. He was trying to pull his thoughts together.

"You don't have to say anything. I know what you’re thinking. 'Poor boy, is it too late for him? No it can't be, O Jesus my Savior, protect his soul from fiery hell', but this is my life and I do what I want and maybe... someday... if I feel like it, I’ll go out of my way and change. But that won’t be today. There’s always tomorrow, pastor,” continued the young man, dismissively waving his hand, as though that was support enough for his haughty claim. Then, as if he gained his second wind, he straightened out in the passenger seat, adjusted the seatbelt, leaned over and stared the driver in the eye, a challenge in every miniscule muscle movement. “Doesn't your precious book speak only of second chances and hope for the lost, the ones like me? I will have my second chance for as long as I live, so I don't have to decide anything tonight or even anytime soon. What am I like, twenty? My whole life is ahead of me, just like this stupid highway", spat the young man, his face contorting in a grimace of disdain, as he once again glanced onto the road covered in obsidian darkness.

This time the older man could not keep his thoughts in, "You are given today to prepare for tomorrow, and yes, a second chance is promised to all those who repent and come to know the Lord, as well as compassion, love, forgiveness and an eternity with Him, but your tomorrow is not promised to you by anyone."

The younger rolled his eyes and slowly, accenting every word drawled, "Neither was I told that I won’t get a tomorrow. So I will continue to hold to the belief that it is never too late in life to realize and revise". And with that he raised his chin and out of the corner of the eye glanced at the pastor.

Taking a deep breath, and then another, with long pauses in between, the pastor answered, "That is true. But know this: the greatest tragedy in life is that we realize things very late in our life and by the time we realize them, it’s too late".

"You seemed to be of the opinion that it’s never too late to see the light in the distance, the last time you drilled me on the whole salvation and eternal life deal. I’m not easily brainwashed, and you know it, so why should tonight be any different?" parried the passenger, while his voice filled with bewilderment.

"I am not trying to brainwash you. I want to tell you about what I know to be true. I want to show you how it has affected my life and after that I can only pray that you would at least think about it".

"Ok, sir, can we make a deal? I promise to think about it, but you will not bring it up ever again. And then maybe tomorrow something will change... if I feel like it. Tomorrow."

Without waiting for a response, the young man turned to look out the window at the dark shapes of trees that flashed by. His shoulders sagged and his head rested on the cold window, as his breaths condensed on the glass into delicate and detailed patterns. The silence was restored, although neither man felt at ease in this vacuum of conversation.

As the highway headed in to the city... Flash. Car.Swerve. Panic. Collision. Impact. Pain. Darkness. Ocean of pain. Vision obscured by blood. Ghoulish cough. Gasping. Last seconds.

Whisper from the driver seat, "I am not afraid of death because I am certain that God is already there, waiting to welcome me. Are you?"

Blackness. Cold. Numbness. Dawn. But for some it is too late to see the light in the distance.

Vital Balance

Suspense. Adrenaline. Action. Are these not the most important ingredients that make up a thrilling and capturing novel, movie or play. This weekend I went to see a movie like that, but by the end realized that it just fell flat. It did not plunge. It did not soar. It did not plummet. And it did not rocket. It was just flat and empty, although it possessed thrilling action scenes. It was dry because the movie made no point, did not bring forth a thought and did not have a theme that tied the whole movie into one and breathed life into it.

Macbeth on the other hand is a rollercoaster ride, that takes our breath away, makes us curious to see what we will encounter after another turn and the reason for this, is the fact that it is penetrated with so many themes, thoughts, points and purposes. One of the themes that I found interesting and applicable to me personally, partially because I did a big part of my AP English work on it, is balance.

The theme of balance in Macbeth is presented using the contrast between the unreasonable and sociopathic Macbeth and the sensible and consistent Banquo and Macduf. When Macbeth is facing a choice he sees only two solutions: all or nothing. Macbeth does not adapt to the situation he is placed in, he cannot find compromise, because he forgets about the existence of compromise or misinterprets compromising as settling for something that is beneath him. For example, Macbeth wants all the prophecies (become thane of two cities and king as well) to come true. He is not content upon receiving his second title, he is not satisfied knowing that he could have more, he cannot reason and see what is good for him and reasonable to accept and what things he should just lay aside. In another case, Macbeth wants to be king and safely thus, or not at all. First of all, this is something he should have thought about before committing regicide, secondly if he sees that he is in a insecure position he should value his safety and flee for his life. But again he is not able to balance his priorities, find the golden middle and eventually this costs him his life.

Although Banquo is another character that loses his life in the duration of the book, but at least he did not assign the death penalty to himself. He finds balance in his life, is content and satisfied with himself, so when he hears the prophecy about his kids becoming kings, he makes a levelheaded decision to leave it to be and let it worry about itself.

Another character that shows sound judgment and a balanced mind is Macduf. Although he desperately wants and needs Malcolm to fight, he decides to fighting just with his own strength which could cost him his life and many other men's lived, when he learns of all Malcolm's "vices", rather than saying "fight with Malcolm or not fight at all".

Although both Banquo and Macduf suffer and go through many hardships, they are the ones to live and to die in a sane state of mind, content, satisfied and balanced, while as Macbeth, who gets to be king and possess great power, lacks the art of balancing and weighing decisions and dies insane, terrified, desperate and deserted. 

Are You Informed?

"The service and the loyalty I owe

In doing it pays itself. Your highness' part

Is to receive our duties, and our duties

Are to your throne and state children and servants,

Which do but what they should, by doing everything

Safe toward your love and honor." (Act 1, Scene 4)

The deception in Macbeth’s words is quite apparent once you remember the thoughts he was having just a couple pages ago, as he witnesses the first of the witches’ prophesies come true. He has imagined himself king and believes that now that this has been promised to him it must he what he deserves according to his merits. As these thoughts fill his head, we can with certainty deduct that he develops antipathy to the present king, Duncan, who is sitting on Macbeth’s throne-to-be and stealing the precious and priceless minutes of his reign. Hearing words of praise from a dislikable person stirs up distaste and hostility in the listener whether he is a just a kid or Macbeth himself. When feelings of despise feel one, his answer will be, no matter how sugar-coated or savory they sound, will have ugly sub-contexts buried underneath that rot with time and make the words with time reveal themselves as mockery. Macbeth’s words sound reverent, humble and pleasing to Kings Duncan’s ego, because they build him up, exalt him above humdrum mortals and largely because he is ignorant of the thoughts and images the witch prophecy stirred in Macbeth. Obviously Kind Duncan’s bait, which caught him on the lethal hook of treachery and deception, is flattery. And this made me wonder, “What is my bait that will attract me to the deadly hook?” and I hope it makes you wonder, “WHAT IS YOUR BAIT?” Because as one reporter said, "You can either be informed and your own rulers or you can be ignorant and have someone else, who is not ignorant, rule over you."

Paradox or Not? That is the Question!

“Nothing is what it is not”, said Macbeth. Was he being profound or deceived? Did he know what he was talking about or was he sputtering nonsense? Upon this depends whether this is a paradox or an equivocation, whether he is uttering truths or speaking lies.

I think that what Macbeth is talking about is his present state, the fact that he finds his illusions, fruits of his imagination, more real and relevant than the real and physical things around him. He finds meaning and great pleasure not in the things that exist in reality,which he can actually obtain, but in those that exist in his mind only and are unreachable for him. At this moment he realizes this vice and admits to himself that lives in the imaginary terrain. This means he is speaking truth when utters these famous words. Therefore the words of Macbeth are a paradox.

This paradox carries a deeper meaning that you can discover when you transfer these words out of these specific consequences in to everyday life. In everyday life we dream and fantasize of things that might seem unrealistic, but they are so much more enjoyable and entertaining. As long as we stay realistic and hold on to the truth and reality and not let our fantasies rule our actions, we should be safe and sane. 

Anxiety, Agony and Acknowledgments

Black and white are not the only colors in this world, there is also gray and further more different shades of gray. This makes it harder to evaluate an absolute and fitting answer to every question and a response to every situation. Many answers depend on the circumstances there are to be found in and many responses depend on the time and motivation that stand behind them.

In this case I do not know much about capital punishment, the means that are used and the circumstances that bring people to the gurney, the only thing I have to go on is parts of the movie we watched yesterday (Into the Abyss) and the opinions that were presented there. Being not very well informed can hinder a person and the opinion they form, but I will do the best I can with what I have been given. This is why I have to agree with the reverend that was featured in the beginning of the movie and admit, “I don’t know”.

In this position, where I see the pain, sickness, misery and people that do not know what their purpose in life is, I kind of feel like Joseph, from the story about the rainbow-colored coat. Joseph had to encounter many challenges, such as being sold in to slavery by his brothers, serving the Potiphar and sitting in prison, so the only thing that was left for him was to trust God. In the end he was rewarded and fulfilled a great purpose the Lord had in mind for Joseph,  that he himself could not have imagined. So when I am in the position where I cannot fathom the reason for the things that are happening around me, I place my faith in God and hand over my anxiety, agony and acknowledge that I can do all things only in Him.

The truth is that some things our mind cannot understand and does not have the capacity to comprehend, for example God allowing children to suffer and die of things such as cancer or ALS. I have had my share of questions about the evil and pain that are in the world and I have asked God, “Why?”, but I will not receive an answer to every question and will not have a complete understanding of every issue in today’s world. I do not know why God allows capital punishment, the New Testament does not teach anything on the specific issue of capital punishment in modern day life, but it does teach that God loves the world; he is involved in the lives of people and cares for them deeply, he wants a relationship with each one of us through his son Jesus Christ in order to offer us forgiveness and love, so this is what I hold on to, because this is what I know for certain. 

Hoping, Needing, Growing

The offer to ponder how I would like to grow this year brought me to the following realization: the opportunity of growth that is presented to me in HCA and in British(ish) Literature, as well as all my other classes, is of infinite value and in itself a great blessing. So since I am blessed with this opportunity I must try my best to make most of it and so to do so I, in the end put together a list of what directions of growth are very important to me this year.

First of all, I would like to obtain an understanding of the great thinkers of the past that I will come across this year (Jane Austin, Charlotte Bronte, Dostoyevsky, etc.), as well as their challenges. However I also hope to receive encouragement and advice from the authors who are, hands down, more experienced than I. I hope to grow in this way, because it will give me a chance to learn from the mistakes of others and not make them all myself or, in other cases, give me a model to follow, so that I don’t have to figure out this tangled web of life around me while relying on my own abilities and experiences. Secondly, I hope that this class and all the participants will refine beliefs that I already hold, and help me become certain in what I believe. This is important for me this year, because I am imperfect and not all knowing, however this will help me get a little closer to the unreachable ideal. Thirdly, I wish to grow in my appreciation for the time I live in and the progress our society has made, since the middle ages or even just a hundred years ago. This is vital to me in everyday life and all my relationships, because very often I take my “now” for granted, but instead I would like to be grateful for the blessings I receive. I also pray that this course will make me more sensitive to those that have not been as blessed as I have been in their upbringing. This is and will be crucial in the future, because this habit will help me be compassionate, which will give me another tool to share Christ's love and forgiveness. Through the great literature and abundant discussions we will be having in Brit Lit I hope to learn to see more clearly God's hand in my life and become more thankful that he is a loving and involved God, which will help me strengthen my relationship with my Creator and trust in him at all times in my life. And last, but certainly not least, I wish to learn more about great authors and beautiful novels that teach and entertain, because I think it is fun and I greatly enjoy reading.

          But just as any plant needs water, soil and light to grow I need the right conditions in order to develop and flourish. I need to be told the truth and corrected when I am wrong, but also I need to be given time and space to process the truths and opinions that will be presented by my classmates, Mr.O and the authors that we will be reading. I need to be directed and refined by others that will be attending and contributing in our class, as Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” I need to be given time and space to express myself and my opinions (what a wonderful thing that we have blogsJ). Another important thing that will be necessary to stimulate my growth is a smart, funny and caring teacher like Mr.O or even better Mr.O himself!

My Growth Spurt This Year

Before I start, I would like to note that growing does not always mean learning something new, sometimes it means validating and becoming more assured in the things you believe. So this year, although I learned more about individuality, self-worth and justice than I thought there is to know, I think the most important thing that happened to me, is that I became more certain of the things I have known and believed before, whether by experiencing and thinking about them on a deeper level or by expanding my perspective.

I knew that parents are great blessings from God, which are not to be taken for granted, but treasured and their wisdom is worth attending to. This year while reading Things Fall Apart I grew in my certainty that God gives us parents to teach us how to live, and came to understanding that we are also to learn from them, from their virtues and vices, accept them and be thankful for them and to them. Okonkwo’s tragic example reaffirmed me in the fact that I should not resent my parents for the way they are, but to love them and thank them for doing everything in their ability and bringing me up so that I might become the person God wants me to be.

I knew that God is good and all his plans are for my prosperity. This year while I was reading The Plague, while being convicted with the darker side of life and the small amount of explanation and justification that we can think of in our small human minds for the torment and woes we experience, I reinvigorated my belief in the majesty, power, stability and unsurpassing wisdom and care of God for me and all human kind.

I strengthened in my belief in the necessity of second chances and forgiveness and began unraveling the mystery humanness and humbleness while reading about the Bishop in Les Miserables. While reading about Cossette’s affliction in the Thenardier household and Nora’s predicament with being a trinket of her husband, while aspiring to have worth and respect from others, I rejuvenated my belief in the importance of understanding others and valuing them not as “creatures”, but as masterpieces created in the image of a perfect God

I could not have been more blessed this year in this class. World Literature, through which Mr. O was my guide, gave me answers and questions, time and deadlines, freedom in creativity and restrictions in length, protection and exposure, to make me stronger, more sensitive and help me be affirmed in my convictions and the Truth that I know.