Anxiety, Agony and Acknowledgments

Black and white are not the only colors in this world, there is also gray and further more different shades of gray. This makes it harder to evaluate an absolute and fitting answer to every question and a response to every situation. Many answers depend on the circumstances there are to be found in and many responses depend on the time and motivation that stand behind them.

In this case I do not know much about capital punishment, the means that are used and the circumstances that bring people to the gurney, the only thing I have to go on is parts of the movie we watched yesterday (Into the Abyss) and the opinions that were presented there. Being not very well informed can hinder a person and the opinion they form, but I will do the best I can with what I have been given. This is why I have to agree with the reverend that was featured in the beginning of the movie and admit, “I don’t know”.

In this position, where I see the pain, sickness, misery and people that do not know what their purpose in life is, I kind of feel like Joseph, from the story about the rainbow-colored coat. Joseph had to encounter many challenges, such as being sold in to slavery by his brothers, serving the Potiphar and sitting in prison, so the only thing that was left for him was to trust God. In the end he was rewarded and fulfilled a great purpose the Lord had in mind for Joseph,  that he himself could not have imagined. So when I am in the position where I cannot fathom the reason for the things that are happening around me, I place my faith in God and hand over my anxiety, agony and acknowledge that I can do all things only in Him.

The truth is that some things our mind cannot understand and does not have the capacity to comprehend, for example God allowing children to suffer and die of things such as cancer or ALS. I have had my share of questions about the evil and pain that are in the world and I have asked God, “Why?”, but I will not receive an answer to every question and will not have a complete understanding of every issue in today’s world. I do not know why God allows capital punishment, the New Testament does not teach anything on the specific issue of capital punishment in modern day life, but it does teach that God loves the world; he is involved in the lives of people and cares for them deeply, he wants a relationship with each one of us through his son Jesus Christ in order to offer us forgiveness and love, so this is what I hold on to, because this is what I know for certain. 

Hoping, Needing, Growing

The offer to ponder how I would like to grow this year brought me to the following realization: the opportunity of growth that is presented to me in HCA and in British(ish) Literature, as well as all my other classes, is of infinite value and in itself a great blessing. So since I am blessed with this opportunity I must try my best to make most of it and so to do so I, in the end put together a list of what directions of growth are very important to me this year.

First of all, I would like to obtain an understanding of the great thinkers of the past that I will come across this year (Jane Austin, Charlotte Bronte, Dostoyevsky, etc.), as well as their challenges. However I also hope to receive encouragement and advice from the authors who are, hands down, more experienced than I. I hope to grow in this way, because it will give me a chance to learn from the mistakes of others and not make them all myself or, in other cases, give me a model to follow, so that I don’t have to figure out this tangled web of life around me while relying on my own abilities and experiences. Secondly, I hope that this class and all the participants will refine beliefs that I already hold, and help me become certain in what I believe. This is important for me this year, because I am imperfect and not all knowing, however this will help me get a little closer to the unreachable ideal. Thirdly, I wish to grow in my appreciation for the time I live in and the progress our society has made, since the middle ages or even just a hundred years ago. This is vital to me in everyday life and all my relationships, because very often I take my “now” for granted, but instead I would like to be grateful for the blessings I receive. I also pray that this course will make me more sensitive to those that have not been as blessed as I have been in their upbringing. This is and will be crucial in the future, because this habit will help me be compassionate, which will give me another tool to share Christ's love and forgiveness. Through the great literature and abundant discussions we will be having in Brit Lit I hope to learn to see more clearly God's hand in my life and become more thankful that he is a loving and involved God, which will help me strengthen my relationship with my Creator and trust in him at all times in my life. And last, but certainly not least, I wish to learn more about great authors and beautiful novels that teach and entertain, because I think it is fun and I greatly enjoy reading.

          But just as any plant needs water, soil and light to grow I need the right conditions in order to develop and flourish. I need to be told the truth and corrected when I am wrong, but also I need to be given time and space to process the truths and opinions that will be presented by my classmates, Mr.O and the authors that we will be reading. I need to be directed and refined by others that will be attending and contributing in our class, as Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” I need to be given time and space to express myself and my opinions (what a wonderful thing that we have blogsJ). Another important thing that will be necessary to stimulate my growth is a smart, funny and caring teacher like Mr.O or even better Mr.O himself!

My Growth Spurt This Year

Before I start, I would like to note that growing does not always mean learning something new, sometimes it means validating and becoming more assured in the things you believe. So this year, although I learned more about individuality, self-worth and justice than I thought there is to know, I think the most important thing that happened to me, is that I became more certain of the things I have known and believed before, whether by experiencing and thinking about them on a deeper level or by expanding my perspective.

I knew that parents are great blessings from God, which are not to be taken for granted, but treasured and their wisdom is worth attending to. This year while reading Things Fall Apart I grew in my certainty that God gives us parents to teach us how to live, and came to understanding that we are also to learn from them, from their virtues and vices, accept them and be thankful for them and to them. Okonkwo’s tragic example reaffirmed me in the fact that I should not resent my parents for the way they are, but to love them and thank them for doing everything in their ability and bringing me up so that I might become the person God wants me to be.

I knew that God is good and all his plans are for my prosperity. This year while I was reading The Plague, while being convicted with the darker side of life and the small amount of explanation and justification that we can think of in our small human minds for the torment and woes we experience, I reinvigorated my belief in the majesty, power, stability and unsurpassing wisdom and care of God for me and all human kind.

I strengthened in my belief in the necessity of second chances and forgiveness and began unraveling the mystery humanness and humbleness while reading about the Bishop in Les Miserables. While reading about Cossette’s affliction in the Thenardier household and Nora’s predicament with being a trinket of her husband, while aspiring to have worth and respect from others, I rejuvenated my belief in the importance of understanding others and valuing them not as “creatures”, but as masterpieces created in the image of a perfect God

I could not have been more blessed this year in this class. World Literature, through which Mr. O was my guide, gave me answers and questions, time and deadlines, freedom in creativity and restrictions in length, protection and exposure, to make me stronger, more sensitive and help me be affirmed in my convictions and the Truth that I know. 

Unified in Misery

What do you believe in? Who do you trust? What is the reality you live in? The answers to these questions hold on the main keys to discovering one’s personal identity. But even these questions, that play such a great role in our lives and self-identification, are affected by the values we hold to and those are affected by our unique experiences. But there an experience that unites us all together, there is something that each person, no matter who they are, no matter where they are, feels. You might have guessed what it is, but if you didn’t then it is loneliness, rejection and misery. Every one of us experiences those unpleasant emotions, and although this is uncomforting to hear, there is no way of escaping them. They are a consequence of our lives on this imperfect planet and more importantly, our sins.

            Every character in the book had a time when they felt forsaken and refused to be accepted by either the society as a whole or by certain individuals specifically, just like everyone does in real life. The questions that come up next are: “What does this experience mean?”, “What do we do with this experience?” Feeling lonely and miserable does not identify you as unacceptable, useless or worthless, but it rather signifies that you are normal and possess a reaction to neglect, depravity, intolerance, as well as to being excluded, over looked or treated unjustifiably, that is typical to everyone. What needs to be realized in this process is that although bad things happen to us, it is not always a result of our mistakes, but rather the result of the imperfect world we live in. This means that we should look to someone who is above this world and someone who has “overcome the world” (John 16:33) and that is Jesus Christ. If we do not choose to do this then as Grantaire said, “There is nothing for us to believe in. Drink is the only reality”.

As we can see, the decision to look to Christ comes only if we have a firm grasp and a clear recognition of our value and worth, for it is said we are “God's chosen ones, holy and beloved”( Colossians 3:12-14), “Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows” (Luke 12:6-7), ““I will never leave you nor forsake you”( Hebrews 13:5). 

If God loves, values and tells you about it, how can you let anyone or anything convince you otherwise?

Value in Personality

After five hundred eighty six pages of Les Mis, the theme of a person’s worth is still a major part of the book and still makes me think more deeply about it. This time I focused on a different quote, about a different person, but that has direct connection to every other part of the book, “having the good sense, while very conscious of the royal blood in his veins, to value himself at his true worth”. This is speaking of the French king, Louis- Philippe, and how he did not find the source of his value in his ancestry. Previously I stressed the point that we must, in order to be fulfilled and fulfill others, treasure ourselves, but this is when the question arises. When comes the moment to reject some of the value placed in us, by those around us? In this quote, after going over it for some time, I found the answer.

A king is usually seen as a person that had great worth and great importance, just because he is king. The quote above on the other hand is talking about the true worth of a king. What the quote explains to us is that Louis-Philippe valued himself for who he was, not what he was. He did not root his value in his “divine right”, but rather in himself, as an individual. He saw his worth not in the title that he received because he was born into a family that was entitled to do so, but in the person became through his choices, hard work and perseverance.  

We as humans should treasure ourselves for who we are, but sometimes we decide that our value is greater than that of another person because we look better, study harder or know more. This is a big mistake and in this case we need to catch ourselves and instead follow the example of the French king. We should remember what our true worth is in, it is in Christ our Lord, in our Redeemer. We also have to be vigilant not to treat others as less deserving of love, compassion and admiration, just because of the circumstances of their birth or life.  

Accepting and Forgiving... YOURSELF

More pages, more letters and more ideas. One of the main ideas I faced this past week during the reading of Les Mis is acceptance. However, this acceptance is not talking only and mostly about being understanding and tolerant of others, but being able to accept yourself. Being able to accept who you are. This type of acceptance is even more vital in our everyday lives than the acceptance of others, because if you cannot love yourself and forgive yourself, then there is no chance that you will be able to do this for others. This is not the only reason we should accept ourselves. If you cannot accept yourself, you cannot live your life on Earth in peace and do not have a chance to find joy and completion. You also might very well, rob those around you of happiness.

The two examples that prove this statement both come from the books sophomores read this year, Things Fall Apart and Les Misérables. The first example, from the first book, is Okonkwo, a person of power and influence in one of the tribes in Nigeria. His father was poor, lazy and never repaid his debts. Okonkwo, although a grown up man, was not be able to accept his father and was not able to accept that he is father’s son. Throughout the book we see him trying to run away from his heritage and trying to escape from the man he knows himself to be. I am not going to spoil the book for you, so I will just say that Okonkwo, his family and his tribe suffer horribly, because Okonkwo cannot accept himself. On the other hand we have Jean Valjean from Les Misérables. He knows himself to be a convict and a thief. He remembers that he robbed the one man that showed him compassion and a small boy that had to earn his living. He struggles with himself and his criminal past. However, eventually, he is able to accept and forgive himself, as well as gain wisdom from the hard circumstances he goes through. Because of the forgiveness that lives in him, he goes on with life. He applies the things he learned in his hardships and through this brings prosperity to a whole region of France, as well as makes life better for all those around him. He brings salvation to those in need of material things and to those in need of a second chance.

This demonstrates how important it is to accept and forgive ourselves. Every one of us should be ready for the missteps that we will, with no doubt, make, but we also must be ready to forgive ourselves for them. No one is perfect, but our mistakes provide a step for us to rise higher, become better and wiser. If we are ready to accept ourselves for who we really are others will be too.

Worth in the Image of God

Another week of reading Les Mis has passed and as it passed it left me with more questions and more thoughts on things I did not dwell on before.  Another quote has struck me and made me think, “… he is dealing with such wary animals as a wolf or a convict”.  What causes the speaker to view this certain individual unworthy of being called a human being? When are people compared to animals and why this often can be offensive? And when we are compared to animals, why does this hurt our feelings? And since it does, what is the difference between us and animals?

Well first of all, the convict mentioned in this quote is Jean Valjean and he was imprisoned for nineteen years for stealing a loaf of bread and a couple of escape attempts. This is what he had done to lose the “privilege” of being referred to as human. But did these actions actually diminish his humanness? No. He is still a man created in the image of God. He is still, no matter what loved by God and nothing can change this. Yes, he did steal and stealing is a sin, but he is still a child of God. This is one of the reasons the Theory of Evolution is twice as bad, as it seems at first glance. The first claim evolution makes is that there is no God and that all of creation was a mere accident. But it also claims that we, humans, are accidents and have evolved from apes. A belief like this takes away from a man’s uniqueness and diminished the full meaning and worth of a man, in the image of God.

Men are usually compared to animals or called animals when displaying behavior others deem unworthy of a human or because they once behaved that way and now that cannot be forgotten. This comparison is offensive, because everyone deep down inside knows that there is something important and crucial that separates us from animals. This crucial difference is that we were created in the image of God. We are created in God’s image and we can have a relationship with our Creator. This is the reason we take offense in being compared to an animal of any kind and even those who might not believe that we were created in God’s image, feel the truth of this statement echo in all their being once they have been called a “dog” or a “donkey”.