Plague Chronicle

Winter 194-

Well the most recent event, the one that took most of the town by surprise is the decreased count of deaths in the weekly Monday announcement. This is a development I could not have foreseen. Some say it is the result of the advanced winter weather. However prior to the announcement I noticed something, something that has not been seen in a while, a rat. In all fairness, I did not see the actual creature, but how could I confuse its scratching sounds with anything else.

Another modification has made my life also more pleasing and lighter; this change however was not brought about by the weather, but by an act that required boldness and courage on my part, as well as belief in a change to the better. As I have said before life has become more pressured after the coming of the plague, under my parents’ watchful eyes. I noticed that although on the outside everything looked peaceful and calm, my insides were about to burst from all the tension and ridiculously unfair restrictions. My parents explained that I had to follow the rules they made, so that I might not get sick with plague and therefore live, but I already felt dead, dead from the inside. I felt dead because I could not make a choice on my own, could not think without my parents’ interfering in the process, could not feel joy, comfort or peace or even fear, for even that was forced out of my organism by the amount of pressure my parents put on me. I felt dead and numb. That was when I realized that I have kept the truth of this feeling inside myself and had not taken one step to change it, but rather to avoid or escape it. I was frustrated over my parents’ never ceasing, feverish control, but never once have I shared this feeling and let them know that it was something that was killing me. As soon as this realization struck I realized that the solution is an upfront confrontation of the problem. I made the decision to change something or at least try, to make the atmosphere in the house lighter.

Since my parents were in the living room, I got up and walked over to where they sat. I asked if they had a moment, instantly I dozen of questions were asked about my wellbeing and my obedience to the new set rules, I assured my parents I have obeyed every word and went on to say, “Mother, Father I need to reveal how all the new rules and the questions make me feel. They make feel like a prisoner, a criminal in a prison. Even my breathing feels restrained. I cannot enjoy a second of my presence in this house and near you, because the pressure is unbearable. I was mad about this for a while and because you didn’t seem to do anything about it, but I hope that now since you know how I feel about this, known the truth about what these rules and restrictions affect me, something will change and I will be able to enjoy the life I have, although it might not be the life that I want”. For a moment my bold and rather long, in comparison to the past couple of weeks, speech took them by surprise, but then I saw their eyes widen. I could see that what I have said finally made sense to them. After another short pause my parents started nodding and this gave way to a log conversation of sharing the truth of our feelings. I then explained what could be done in order to lighten the pressure I felt and my parents promised to discuss this between themselves.

This came as a surprise to me, for I didn’t even hope for a quick change, but I guess this just proved to me that the more knowledge we have about a situation the faster or better the results can turn out. Knowledge about a situation can give any participating side a way to make the situation healthier for another participator, if, of course, the knowledge is acted upon. This brought me to think that maybe this epidemic will give us more knowledge about the plague, so that next time we could heal it faster or avoid it all in all, and then maybe this will have a purpose. Although for now, the decreasing numbers of deaths do not provide enough hope for a quick end of the nightmare we are still living in.